If I had to list the things I hate most in this world, condoms would round out my top ten right behind ISIS. Studies show that people who prefer condom sex have a 73% chance of getting bit by a shark while scuba diving. Crazy right? They leave that nasty film on your member and you end up itching your junk the rest of the night. Buying them is a big time hassle. The dusty old fart behind the counter always makes a snarky comment. “Big plans tonight?” You’re god damn right I have big times tonight Earl. Mind your business. Nothing will change my mind. Condoms are and forever will be icky.